If a specific new reader to my blog wants to email me, they should click on “About Arphaxad” to the right (below “Information”) and read the directions on that page to find out my email address (considering they do not have facebook). Or they should leave a comment (and enter their real email address in the appropriate field) so I can send them a message back.
I think we should continue filling up that clean slate.
I can’t even begin to describe how AWESOME today was. Well, I can definitely begin to describe it but suffice to say the day involved new friends, cute girls, psychology, marijuana, a kick-ass parade, a random chance meeting, age differences, water guns, the colour green, conversation, chilling, beer, random sisters of current friends, some guy named Jason, and lots of intelligent conversation. I definitely had difficulty keeping myself from hitting on the aforementioned cute girl (there IS a good reason). Wow what a mind though! She’s incredibly intelligent; she’s smart beyond her years in fact. She’s been through similar experiences as me and I’m sure we related well to each other. It would be great to share writings.
I fear that this blog will be disappointing for her to read. I don’t talk (type?) about anxiety nearly to the degree that would be ideal. I simply muse and vent my anxious thoughts for the world to read. On here my writing is far less eloquent than epic. It is difficult to admit, but right now I find myself in a blurred gray area between what is appropriate and what is aberrant.
She doesn’t date, well, she does date, she just doesn’t call it that. Would I dare date her? Would I dare even try? I’m torn. I’m also anxious. I promised myself this blog would be a direct account of my mind. I’ve already held too much back and at the same time I’ve already said too much. This cute girl said she doesn’t really think about age. It would be really damned convenient right now if I could manage to do the same.
Damn it. This is the first post where I censored my thoughts because I’m afraid of the truth. I’m afraid of admitting that I have a crush on her. Is that such a bad thing? The answer is, “Yes, yes it is.” I fear it will be months before I’ll be able to feel differently. However, in the realm of what is right, that may not be such a bad thing.
I’m also incredibly empowered because I have the opportunity to share what I’ve learned with a brilliant young mind. I have the opportunity to help her, to teach, to inspire, and to heal. I don’t know if I’m ready to wield the power that I have: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
I’m not sure if my two sets of feelings are mutually exclusive, or if I could combine them. My mind is working overtime, one train of thought is thinking, “How do I hook up with her?” and another train of thought is thinking, “How do I prevent myself from hooking up with her?” What a conundrum. Yet another train of thought speaks with exasperation, “Why the fuck are you letting this bother you? Just chill the fuck out.” A fourth cautiously realizes that I don’t know what I’m wishing for, and for that reason, I should, “Be careful what [I] wish for, because [I] just might get what [I] want.”
I only subtly insinuated my anxious thoughts once or twice earlier when we were talking at the Hot Box Café. I’m really at a loss. I don’t know what to think.
The only positive thing I can think that can come of this blog post, is to (hopefully?) cock block myself. “When in doubt, take the high road,” or something similar but more eloquently put. That notwithstanding, I love danger — I laugh in its face. I’m very Simba like that. haha
I hope I wasn’t too honest. Actually, come to think of it, I really do.
Morals suck… I hate how necessary they are.
All of these crazy thoughts aside (in an attempt to negate them for the time being), the conversation from earlier today should definitely continue. Cheers to new friends! 
