Teeter-Totter

I teeter precariously between happy and sad. I feel scared and on edge because suicidal thoughts swirl through my head. One of my good friends needs my help, and I was giving it to her. But I am not as strong as I thought I was and I cracked under pressure. I was selfish and immature. I hurt our friendship. I feel guilty, I feel inadequate, and I feel as if my world is crashing down around me. When will things start looking up?

My friend really needs me, but I don’t know if she still trusts me or not. I always thought I was different from other males but my weakness has proved otherwise. I’m a horrible person. I wasn’t fair at all. She said, “well life isn’t fair” which is bullshit. I should have been the last person to fuck up like this.

My boss doesn’t like me. She gets annoyed with me because I ask too many questions. I want to quit because I have zero confidence left, but if I do quit, what will happen to me? How will I find another job? I’m not good at this thing called “life.” It sucks.